


(i'm with) stupid sexy and twice as smart

by misura



Category: Star Wars: Thrawn Series - Timothy Zahn (2017)
Genre: M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Undercover as Married
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:42:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28296966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: Eli and Thrawn must go undercover as a married couple for Reasons.
Relationships: Thrawn | Mitth'raw'nuruodo/Eli Vanto
Comments: 14
Kudos: 53
Collections: Yuletide 2020





	(i'm with) stupid sexy and twice as smart

**Author's Note:**

  * For [platinum_firebird](https://archiveofourown.org/users/platinum_firebird/gifts).



" - posing as a married couple," Thrawn said, and for one moment, Eli was sure he'd misheard.

The next, he realized that he'd forgotten everything Thrawn had said before, which was a lot more embarrassing than some wishful thinking that Thrawn probably hadn't even noticed.

For all of Thrawn's brilliant observational skills, when it came to Eli and his ... crush, Thrawn seemed remarkably oblivious. Eli supposed he should be grateful, but sometimes he wished Thrawn would simply come right out and tell Eli that he didn't feel the same.

Now, every time Thrawn praised him or smiled at him or even just talked to him, Eli felt hope that maybe Thrawn _did_ feel the same, or at least might one day come to view Eli as more than a friend. It would have been pure torture, if Eli hadn't also cherished every single moment he spent in Thrawn's company.

"Um, sorry, sir, I don't think I understood that last bit," he said, as he realized Thrawn was looking at him, clearly waiting for some sort of response.

"It is likely that they will be expecting some sort of attempt to infiltrate their base of operations," Thrawn said. "Thus, rather than try to overcome their suspicions, I propose we take advantage of them."

Eli had known Thrawn long enough to follow Thrawn's line of reasoning. Given the Empire's well-known prejudice against aliens, it made perfect sense that right now, any human would be regarded with extra suspicion, whereas any alien might sooner be regarded as a potential ally or at least a neutral party.

Still - _married_? "I do understand your reasoning, sir," Eli said. "But pretending to be married, well, isn't that a bit much?"

"I have every confidence in your ability to be convincing." Thrawn frowned. "If you have any concerns regarding my own ability, please share them. I'm aware that my knowledge of human customs may still be lacking in certain aspects, especially when it comes to areas like this one."

For one horrifying and fantastic moment, Eli imagined providing Thrawn with some hands-on instructions on how to pose convincingly as Eli's loving husband. Nothing too outrageous, of course, but maybe just a stroll through the city while holding hands, or a bit of snuggling while watching a vid on Eli's datapad ...

"Um, no concerns, sir. I was surprised, that's all," Eli said.

"Good. I'm very pleased to hear it." Thrawn smiled, and Eli realized he was in trouble.

Deep, deep trouble.

Two days later, Eli wasn't sure whether he was the luckiest man alive or the unluckiest one. Thrawn had clearly studied up on 'human marriage customs', though Eli had no idea what his research materials had been.

Based on Thrawn's behavior, he suspected it hadn't consisted of talking to any actual married people.

"You're looking a little pale, Eli my Eli," Thrawn said, somehow making the last bit sound less like an endearment and more like a really weird mispronouncement of Eli's perfectly normal name.

Of course, given that humans couldn't even pronounce Thrawn's actual name, it might be an entirely sound pronunciation for a Chiss.

 _You're holding my hand! You kissed my cheek when we had breakfast with an imperial double agent!_ Worse: for all that Thrawn sucked in the pet names and endearments department, every now and then, he'd give Eli a Look.

If they ever need to seduce someone, Eli figured he now knew who of them would be able to pull that off by doing nothing more than looking at them.

"Ah. There's some color coming back already," Thrawn said. "Now, about dinner."

Eli survived dinner with some local bigwig or merchant or crime lord. Possibly a mix of all three, though Eli wouldn't have trusted himself to be sure of anything right now. He knew that wasn't good, that undercover work meant always having to be alert, never breaking cover, but ...

 _Why did I ever agree to this?_ Stupid question: he knew why. He'd been seduced by the vision of Thrawn, of him and Thrawn, acting like a married couple. Of Thrawn maybe suddenly realizing that he wanted to be married to Eli in reality, not just as part of a cover while investigating a smuggling case.

In short, Eli had been an idiot, and he had nobody but himself to blame for his current situation.

"Ensign Vanto?" Thrawn said. "Are you unwell?"

Eli had retreated to their shared bedroom. Or, well, he'd been hiding here, reasoning that Thrawn was unlikely to happen upon him here for a few hours at least.

Clearly, he'd underestimated Thrawn's dedication to their cover.

"You should call me 'Eli'," he said. Thrawn himself had pointed out how important this mission was, how crucial it would be to dedicate themselves fully to their roles - right before he'd suggested they practice this thing humans called 'making out'.

Eli knew that for the rest of his life, he was going to have nightmares-slash-deeply-pleasant-daydreams about those fifteen minutes, as well a lot of lingering questions he was probably never going to ask about what Chiss marriage looked like.

Apparently, it didn't involve a lot of kissing. Or hand-holding. Or snuggling.

Maybe they just had a lot of sex all the time?

Thrawn sighed. Eli guiltily wondered if Thrawn somehow knew what Eli was thinking and felt disappointed in Eli's inability to keep his thoughts pure and professional.

"You have not been acting like yourself these past days. I am concerned."

_We're undercover. Isn't 'not acting like ourselves' kind of the whole plan here?_

"I'm fine," Eli said. It was true. There was nothing _wrong_ with him. He might have been a little distracted, a bit pre-occupied.

Thrawn eyed him in a way that did not suggest he was at all interested in sex right now. "Your well-being is of the utmost importance to me. I would rather accept failure than to permit any harm to come to you by any action or lack thereof on my part."

"I'm fine," Eli repeated. "Honestly."

Thrawn grimaced. "In my experience, people proclaiming their honesty rarely are."

"That's not my fault," Eli said. He realized he was only digging himself in deeper - he should have simply pretended to have a headache or a stomachache from the strange food or something.

"It's true that I have found you exceptional in many ways." Thrawn inclined his head, his expression now thoughtful, considering, as if Eli was a problem he wanted to study and then solve. "In addition, I have never known you to deceive me in any way. I apologize. I had no right to doubt your words."

"Uh, that's all right." Eli told himself he should feel pleased, rather than guilty.

Thrawn shook his head. "No. I gave more weight to my own feelings than your words, and I was wrong to do so. I hope you will accept my apology, and my promise that I will strive not to let it happen again."

Part of Eli very much wanted to ask what 'feelings' Thrawn was talking about. Happily, the more rational part of his mind still retained enough control of his mouth to instead mumble, "Of course, yes, no harm done, like I told you, it's fine," which seemed to satisfy Thrawn for the moment.

"I will leave you to your thoughts, then," Thrawn said, leaving Eli alone with the sinking realization that there was an excellent chance he'd come back from this mission unable to pretend he felt nothing more for Thrawn than loyalty, respect and admiration.

Shared bedroom notwithstanding, they at least did not share a bed. Eli didn't think he could have handled it, and frankly, he didn't care if Thrawn had felt the same (albeit for different reasons) or if his 'research' had suggested this was the standard sleeping arrangement for married couples.

Eli was happy to have a bed to himself, one place where he could be sure Thrawn wouldn't unexpectedly join him to express concern for his health and well-being.

 _I'm fine._ What would Thrawn have been able to do, anyway, if Eli had confirmed he wasn't? This mission was far too important to call off simply because Eli was looking pale.

Eli supposed Thrawn might have tried to make him feel better. Maybe Thrawn had been looking forward to getting to use that part of his research: How Married Humans Make One Another Feel Better When One of Them Is Feeling Less Than Fine.

Eli might have gotten a nice cup of tea, or a delivery of an extra blanket and a forehead kiss out of it, or possibly even a get-well-soon holocard.

Too bad they didn't sell holocards to tell people 'I'm an alien tactical genius, you're my human best friend and subordinate; I'm flattered by your feelings, but I can never return them'. Not that Eli could imagine Thrawn buying a holocard like that, or any other kind.

Holocards weren't Thrawn's style. Thrawn was direct, straight to the point. He didn't beat around the bush, or told people what he thought they wanted to hear. Thrawn told people what he thought they should be told.

And evidently, Thrawn did not think Eli should be told that Thrawn loved him, or desired him, or wanted to marry him in real life.

 _I should just give up._ Eli knew he wouldn't. No matter how hopeless it seemed - or was, he could no more 'give up' his feelings for Thrawn than he could have stopped breathing.

(Well. He might be able to hold his breath for a while, but sooner or later, he'd come up for air.)

Somehow, Eli made it through the next three days without forgetting his fake name, or Thrawn's fake name, or the bits of their cover story he had to dredge up now and then to stay in character.

Thrawn didn't ask him about his health again, which Eli determinedly viewed as a victory. He didn't need Thrawn asking about his health to know Thrawn cared ... as a friend and his superior officer.

Then, finally, it was over and they were picked up by a shuttle to return to the ship and their actual, single lives. Eli tried very hard to feel relieved. He did feel somewhat relieved: he hadn't hated every minute of being undercover, yet he had realized that it wasn't the sort of work that suited him.

Granted, the whole bit where he'd had Thrawn fully throwing himself into his role as Eli's husband might have played a part. Eli had had the occasional fantasy of what life with Thrawn as his lover would be like, sure. Most of his fantasies had been limited to brief, quick scenes, though.

Thrawn, bringing him breakfast in bed wearing nothing but a smile. Thrawn, grinning at him as they took on a bunch of baddies together, just the two of them, back to back.

Thrawn, shoving him against the nearest wall after Eli had performed some feat of extraordinary heroism, alternately kissing him and berating him for almost getting himself killed.

Reality had been both better and worse. Better, because it lasted longer and because it was, well, real, meaning Thrawn acted like Thrawn, doing things Eli could never have predicted.

Worse, obviously, because it _hadn't_ been real. It had only felt that way sometimes, and going back to what was actually real wasn't going to be as easy as Eli had hoped.

"The expression on your face makes me want to ask uncalled for questions again," Thrawn said. "Our mission was a success. You should feel pleased."

 _Our fake marriage is over._ Did Thrawn feel pleased by that? Or did Thrawn not care either way, and was he only pleased at the mission's success?

Did Eli actually want to know the answer?

"I'm pleased we were successful, sir," he said. It felt good to be calling Thrawn 'sir' again. It felt right.

"I never doubted our success," Thrawn said.

"It might take some time getting used to being single again." Eli tried to make it sound like a joke. He hoped Thrawn would interpret it as such.

"Yes," Thrawn said. "However, it is my understanding that marriage is considered a very serious undertaking and a considerable achievement in human relationships."

"Uh, sure. I guess it is. Sir." Eli wasn't sure what Thrawn was getting at. Maybe he only wanted clarification of something he'd come across during his research? Though given that their mission was over, Eli couldn't see why Thrawn would need such information.

Thrawn nodded. "I am aware that I perhaps put too much of a strain on our existing relationship by requesting your assistance on this mission. However, I judged the prospective gain worth the risk."

Eli had no idea what sort of reply he was supposed to make here. "Yes, sir."

"Also, I confess I had hoped you might gain more confidence in an environment different from our usual one, where we would be acting as equals," Thrawn said. "Specifically, I had hoped we might proceed to explore physical activities beyond simple kissing. Based on your physical reactions, you have an interest in such things, yet feel compelled for some reason not to act on this interest."

"Uh," Eli said.

"If it's not too much of an imposition, I would very much appreciate you sharing your reasons for this restraint," Thrawn said. "Of course, part of me selfishly hopes I may be able to convince you to change your mind, but I assure you that part of my reason for asking is also a simple interest in you as a person whose opinions and thoughts I have come to care about a great deal."

"Oh," Eli said. He realized Thrawn was giving him an expectant look. "I uh, I didn't think you'd noticed."

Thrawn's expression turned slightly surprised. "You were hardly subtle. Although I imagine another human might have missed the signs, human senses being what they are."

"And I, uh, didn't think you felt the same," Eli plodded on, figuring he might as well.

"I requested you to act as my life-partner," Thrawn said. "It seemed a sufficiently clear hint. I'll grant you my earlier attempts to express an interest insufficiently took into account the fact that you are human, but in my defense, you seemed happier keeping your distance than making any attempt at progress."

 _What earlier attempts?_ Eli decided not to ask. "So I guess we've both been idiots. More or less."

"I would not easily permit anyone else to call you that," Thrawn said, frowning slightly. "But yes. I suppose in this one specific case, the description may be accurate."

"Don't worry about it, sir. In fact, I guess it's kind of nice to know it happens to the best of us." Eli grinned. "And actually, I'd much rather we do that exploring of physical activities beyond kissing you mentioned while we're _not_ pretending to be other people."

"Really?" Thrawn regarded Eli with - yup, that was definitely his Instant Seduction look.

It worked even better now that Eli knew Thrawn meant it. "Yes, sir."

"I'll have to finish my report first," Thrawn said.

To push or not to push. Eli swallowed. "Are you absolutely sure of that, sir?"


End file.
